Battlecam's Nastiest Comedy Night

Goldstar Events is a great resource to look for something (anything) to do for Date Night. Trouble is, we're on a limited budget and very picky about dates. If it's not on a Thursday night, it's probably not happening.

But .. there's an exception to almost anything, right? As as I was running down the list of the weekly events I saw two words that appealed to me: "Comedy" and "Nastiest". Now, if you know Wifey and I you know we like the occasional, or perhaps frequent, downright-dirty-potty-mouth jokes! And we like it even more when it's a comedian trying to see how far the boundaries can be pushed. So I checked out the event, and it turns out it was sponsored by Battlecam.com! Battlecam.com is, as you know, terrifying. I've been there before, and uh, decided not to ever again. And then I go back! And then I crawl away wounded and shamed. And then I return once more. It's a vicious cycle.

Anyway! The one thing Battlecam does have going for it is Alki David. See his picture on the Wikipedia page? See how he looks all smart, and businessy, and very much like a guy that knows how to have just a little bit of fun, but not too much, because he's a serious man and has got serious things to attend to? Yeah, no. Alki scares me. He scares me because if him and I ever went to Oktoberfest I fear he might challenge me to a race to see who could finish a half-gallon of beer first while taking off each other's pants. On stage. With tigers. And see, I'm highly competitive. So .. I would take on that challenge. And see, nobody wins in a race like that. So Alki scares me.

Anyway. So, yes, Alki David apparently owns Battlecam.com, and they threw this "Nastiest Comedy Night" thing. The setup was very much like Battlecam.com - everyone in the audience had a giant "Like" or "Poop" card. If you didn't like the comedian, you would hold up the "POOP" card. If you did, you would hold up the "LIKE" card. Pretty straightforward! The comedians who could complete a full set (of 5 mins) would go on to the next round. That round was improv-ish, until they determined the last three finalists and then from there determined the final winner of the evening.

Now I couldn't tell you who the comedians were, except one girl completely stood out, and I shall forever know her as "She Sings!", as her response to improv-comedy was a meek, polite "Uhm, I sing songs .. so ..." This, btw, scored major points with the audience. It helped that this girl was the single most adorable & sweet & cute little thing to ever walk onto a stage, who then had a filthy, dirty, horrible little mouth that sang vile, terrible, shocking things with a cute, shy, naive, and innocent smile.

She is awesome and I wish for her to go far, except I cannot remember her name for the life of me. She is, and shall forever more be, "She Sings!"

Alrighty, so more of the comedy night.. the thing that was great was the whole live voting thing. See, when you deal with amateur comedians you get a mixed bag. Either they're truly awesome and have brand-new fresh material, or .. crickets. And there were some crickets, but said crickets were followed up with insta-POOP cards! I feel bad for the comedians (it's a tough job already) but you know, it was nice to be able to move on the next guy when things got "cold".

At the end of the night a comedian that I shall now deem Mermaid-guy .. oh wait! He has a name, and it's an easy name that I can remember: John Huck! OK, watch for this guy. He has the funny. Mostly because his delivery is on the dry(er) side, and his stories are already so absurd you don't expect there to be a punchline in the end that takes it off into a different direction. Good stuff, and I wish the best for him.

But dang, what was the name of "She Sings"?! Hrm. That'll bother me. One day I'll see her on the side of the road and upon recognizing her face I'll point and loudly proclaim "SHE SINGS!!!" Upon which time a cop might tackle me. And she'll write a (dirty) song about how a guy got tackled by cops after pointing at her. Success!

In general the night went well, though they had many technical difficulties I hear. The comedians were funny, the "interactivity" was great, and then Alki David took down his pants, tucked away his junk, and flashed the audience. No, seriously. Dude was right there, wrapping up the night, saying the thank yous and the whatnots, and then hurriedly and awkwardly undid his belt, dropped his pants, dug around in his purple-striped briefs, and once everything was nicely tucked away, dropped said briefs to the floor, stood straight up, flashed his nipple and saluted the camera. Many (MANY) "POOP" signs went up in that instant, but I couldn't stop laughing. Oh my, this guy is my hero. Billionaire and still does crazy stuff. Awesome.

Oh, and yes, there is a picture of this moment floating around somewhere. I think they posted it on the Battlecam.com Facebook Page, so er, if you're so inclined.. ;)

Anyhow, very absurdly surreal evening filled with tons of laughs and awkward, eye-searing moments. Definitely a Quality Date Night overall.

-- Hubby